My body was built for this, right?

Birth... it doesn't tickle.

I’ve always known I have a pretty low pain threshold. If I get a paper cut the neighbours would hear it happen. 

And I'm genuinely befuddled when my athlete husband describes the "good hurt" felt from a nice, hard training session. Good hurt: an oxymoron if ever there was one.

So as the months went by and I got closer to my due date, my fingernails were thoroughly chewed down from my stressing out about The Birth.

I've always felt we as humans, allegedly the most sophisticated species in the animal kingdom, should have by now evolved to a more discreet and painless birthing process.

Who does he look like?

Like the kangaroo. Their young are like sticky little gummy bears - as small as a grain of rice and usually no larger than a bee, and weighing less than a single gram.

Admittedly, they're underdeveloped and pretty ugly looking (I doubt there'd be many of us lining up for those plush albums of professional newborn photos) and I'm not sure how I feel about having a pouch full of sticky goo permanently attached to my midriff but the benefit of avoiding the whole pushing-something-the-size-of-a-watermelon-through-your-privates is undeniably tempting.

But I digress. This post is supposed to give some inside to those terrified soon-to-be-first-time-Mums about just how painful The Birth will be. The least helpful answer is I can't tell you what your birth will be like, because every one is different. But what I can tell you is that for me, it really wasn't as bad as I imagined it would be. Honestly!

Don't get me wrong, it was no picnic and definitely not my first choice of how to spend a Saturday afternoon; there were moments of significant pain (of course there were!) but they only lasted a minute or so at a time and the whole "painful part", which is when you do all the pushing, only lasted 45 minutes. I was told it usually lasts for up to two hours, so I was pretty happy when it was over in less than one.   

In terms of pain relief, I sucked down some happy gas and had one pethidine shot. I didn't need an epidural. I guess to a certain extent, your body just kinda does what it needs to get through. And of course, there are highly skilled and experienced midwives and doctors on hand to help you every breath of the way.

Unless you're one of those unfortunate people you see on the news from time to time who have been forced to give birth in their car on the side of the highway or on their own living room floor with only your five year old son on the phone to 000 to help you. That's something to be grateful for when you're huffing and puffing in the nice, clean hospital.